what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
