i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
