So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
