Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
