What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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