Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
