I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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