Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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