ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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