Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
