I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
