I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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