I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
