did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
