Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
