ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I bet he comes in French.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
