There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just threw up on my dentist
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
