you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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