I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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