took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
