Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
