Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
