Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
