dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
