His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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