am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
