I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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