I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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