I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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