somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
