and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
