Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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