Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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