I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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