i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
