The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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