the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
