Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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