maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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