theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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