Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
