Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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