Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
