Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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