Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
