maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
