and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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