you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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