i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
