It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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