I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My life is pants optional.
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