I got chris browned last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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