don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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