wanna go halves on a baby?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
