Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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