thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
